“All my friends are getting engaged, married, or having babies and I’m over here just GENUINELY HAPPY FOR THEM BECAUSE I DO NOT COMPARE MY JOURNEY TO ANYONE ELSE’S AND YOU SHOULD NOT EITHER.”
Not a typical outfit post, but before all the NYFW craziness, my last posts were about my own relationship chapters and Valentine’s Day love. If you read them, then you know that I haven’t really been single since I was 17. While I struggled with my relationship differently than someone who struggled with the ‘single’ aspects of it — it’s the same issue. Love and relationships is one of those things that we, as a society, has romanticized - love, marriage, happily ever after. Our minds can get so contaminated with endless ideas of ‘perfection’. In reality, not many of us openly talk about it — so let’s talk about it.
The Ikonn EXPERIENCE
I share my own stories; the good and the bad, happy and sad, but that doesn’t mean I don’t need to sometimes hear someone else’s experiences to remember I’m not the only one. If you don’t know The Ikonns — you don’t know what you’re missing. I’ve followed Mimi Ikonn for what feels like forever, but it wasn’t until recently that' I’ve been able to connect and relate on a different level. She and her husband, Alex, not only share their relationship experiences on Youtube, but have also started a podcast, The Ikonn Experience. Maybe you can relate with some things they say, maybe not. The fact is they’re a part of a movement in breaking down the perfection barrier (it’s 2019, let’s be real now), and I appreciate their honesty. They recently shared a video (albeit a tad bit long to watch), where they openly discuss their reactions to people’s assumptions of them. Assumptions including “I feel like you guys never argue/fight”, “I feel like you’ve never thought of divorce”, “You guys seem like the perfect couple” — and let’s be honest, even I have had those assumptions before, but I remind myself that nothing is perfect. Which does not mean they’re unhappy or I am unhappy, it’s just understanding reality. It’s refreshing watching these two talk and communicate with their followers on a very open and real level. Watch their video here!
he Said What
Moving into the realm of dealing with being single, dating, and life in general. I recently met with Melissa Diamond, creator of He Said What podcast, “an unfiltered source of perspectives on life, love, and dating”. I may not have gone through dating someone who cheated, trying to find ‘the one’, or being broken up with, but I’ve seen others struggle with it. After listening to a few podcasts episodes, I realize this is all unchartered territory for most of us (yet we are somehow supposed to know how to deal with it). The epitome of the show is listening to others opening talk about their experiences, touching on subjects "we are not supposed to be discussing" but we all want to know and wonder about. When Melissa and I sat for our coffee date, she automatically made me feel like I was catching up with a long-time old friend. Her down-to-earth personality and openness is the reason why her “barrier-breaking-conversations” are so relatable.
He Said What recently reached its one year anniversary! Her episodes cover a variety of topics. From discussions on the pressure of first dates, not getting closure, managing expectations; being authentic, living in the moment, the challenges if dating, putting yourself out there; to dealing with the fear of rejection. Read Melissa’s interview here!
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Each day I find more and more people openly talking about, not just relationships but, life itself. We all struggle with different problems, but opening up with each other only brings us all closer together. We, humans, are social beings. It’s natural for us to want to connect with others like us and feel like we’re not alone. When we start to openly talk about our realities and listen to others, we start realizing ‘perfect’ does not exist. Stop comparing and start being happy for those who are able to overcome the struggles, see them as motivation. At the very least, it’s a “hey you’re not alone” reminder and we begin to normalize the fact that there is nothing wrong with us.